Books 2/3: ITEOAA

So I'm in Kansas right now and there's about a foot of snow on the ground outside. Snow is pretty and fun, and as a Southerner, I rarely see it at this magnitude. Kansans frequently get snowed-in and that kind of sucks for them. So I asked around to see what do they do to prepare for winter storms.

First, they buy lots and lots of bread. Everyone gets carb crazy when they get snowed-in. Historical precedent: the Donner Party was really just out of bread (they had plenty of jams). Human arms slightly resemble baguettes.

Second, buy lots and lots of eggs. Even though they'll be among the first things to spoil if the power goes out, you'll really really REALLY need them to make...

FRENCH TOAST! The only remedy to a snow-day is a sticky syrup-filled sure-fired way to gain that extra hibernation weight.

Oh and finally,

DECLARE A STATE OF EMERGENCY OMGOMGOMGSNOWPOCALYPSEOMGOMG

What's that you say? Isn't that a little absurd, you say? Shouldn't Kansans be used to snow? They are. The aforementioned reaction was to the 'wintry mix' that fell on Tuscaloosa a couple of weeks ago.

Here's a picture I took of Denny Chimes:

J/k. It snowed about an inch and melted almost immediately.

But all this talk of the 'Snowpocalypse' and then the 'Aflockalypse' and the 'Acrabalypse' and the 'Afishalypse' and people getting shot by crazies and riots and Sarah Palin and dreams in which I am being simultaneously chased by bears and zombies makes me wonder: in the event of an apocalypse (ITEOAA), am I prepared? I find myself asking this more and more often. For instance, I am in my grandparent's basement and the nearest real weapon is quite far away. ITEOAA...

Nuclear: I'd actually be okay down here (sorry, gran & gramps), but wouldn't survive fallout or post-apocalypse culture due to lack of food and female-dom.

Alien: I have a good theory that I'd be safe because I'm nice to cats, but that's for another post.

Weather: C'mon, it's Kansas. Weather is apocalyptic every day.

Zombie: Here's where I'm royally screwed. Unless I could wake up, realize th e threat, and bash in skulls with some 78s, a coat rack and a laundry basket, I'm totally effed.

The two books I just read are pretty handy in tight apocalypse-type spots. The first was "My Side of the Mountain" by Jean Craighead George and the second was "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks.


Both are pretty handy and hailed as masterpieces by many a fifth-grade boy. Sam Gribley is worried nukes are gonna fly: "Who knows when we're all going to be blown to bits and need to know how to smoke venison." p. 110. He lives in the woods for a year, trains a hawk, and transforms in to the most awesome person ever until (SPOILER) his family he hated comes and lives with him because his mom got bad press for letting him run away. Nice. Max Brooks preys on people like me who wholeheartedly believe zombies are/will be real and that we have a chance of defeating the hoards, when the truth is I'd totally be that palomino in downtown Z-ATL. And we all remember what happened to him.

RIP, Rowdy. I'll never forgive Rick for taking you there.

So what are your thoughts on all this? Want to make a survival plan?

Here are some quotes from each book. You'll never guess which is which.

"Often, a school is your best bet-perhaps not for education but certainly for protection from an undead attack."

"I saw, as I inched toward it, that it was closed. The sight of a closed trap excites me to this day. I still can't believe that animals don't understand why delicious food is in such a ridiculous spot."

"Use your head; cut off theirs."

"Remember; no matter how desperate the situation seems, time spent thinking clearly is never time wasted."


"It seemed marvelous to see life pump through that strange little body of feathers, wordless noises, milk eyes -- as much as life pumped through me."

"1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don't need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike.
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on."


Next time on TPP: "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" & the Replacement 'Slave.'

Special thanks to Stephanie F and Collin T for the supa-market pix.

Word of the Day
gutteral(adj.)1. articulated in the throat, 2. being or marked by utterance that is strange, unpleasant, or disagreeable

Book 1: Writin' Dirty

Hi! Here's a review. Read!

Disclaimer: I'll be honest. I'm not an English major and do not aspire to be one. I keep things quick and dirty and opinionated. And I'm seriously ADD when it comes to writing/anything. You've been warned.

"The Dirty Life" was the first book I cracked open in the pre-apocalyptic year 2011. My mom gave it to me after hearing the author Kristen Kimball promote it on the radio. You can hear her interview and read an excerpt or two on NPR's All Things Considered. Anyway, I worked on a farm once and a garden a few other times, so mom thought I'd like it. And I did! Sort of.

This book is 'Pride & Prejudice' set on a farm. Except the girl has more money than the boy, the boy is not a huge a$ most of the time, there thankfully is no Mrs. Bennett equivalent, and Pemberly is a massive run-down piece of land in upstate New York. But everything else is kind of the same. Sort of.

This book is a love story about a girl, a boy, and a farm. The girl (Kristin) falls in love with a boy (Mark) who is already in love with farming, but has enough love to go around for Kristin too. Kristin leaves her chic city life for mud and butchering and most importantly, love. Love for a man and love for the feeling of accomplishment she'd get at the end of a farm day. Often, she muses about important life things and how those life things parallel to farming --

"Question: Why is farming like a relationship?
Answer: Because you do not reap what you sow. That's a lie. You reap what you sow, hill, cultivate, fertilize, harvest, and store." p. 211

And so on. It's a sweet book, a love story with a happy-ish ending. It strips farming of all its modern eco-chic romanticizing, while making it a grand allegory for a relationship. And that's nice, I suppose. The sensual cooking scenes were pretty steamy, to say the least, and they made me hungry (but in a way that I ought to cook for my food). While not the most stirring piece of literature ever, I give it half a raised eyebrow for content and another half for readability. That's one fully raised eye-brow!


Word of the Day:
stentorian (adj) extremely loud

Note: The 'Word of the Day' is inspired by obscure words tested on the GRE and defined by
Merriam-Webster.com.

50/52

Hi! My name is Sarah, and if you're reading this, you most likely know me in some form or fashion.

I graduated from college last May; my entire academic career has been all about keeping my nose to the grindstone (where in the world does that phrase come from?). Last summer I moved from my college town to my new job, providing a perfect opportunity to inventory all my books. What astounded me was the sheer volume of books I never got around to reading. Despite how busy my job is and the prospect of grad school in the fall, I resolved to spend 2011 reading 50 books -- all books, any books. That's just about a book per week or so.

This blog ought to hold me accountable to reading books and may become something of a review/recommendation forum. Anyway, here it goes!